Acceptance of Perfection

I am obsessed with perfection. Last week, I was asked what is one of my greatest flaws. Besides getting over the abruptness of the question, my first thoughts went over everything wrong that I have done. Looking past that, the theme with all of it was my struggle for perfection.

Beyond simply perfection, I think I impose the ideal that everyone needs to be striving for that, and if they do fall short, well, it's hard for me to accept such things. For some people, they are constantly messing up; for me, I acknowledge this and don't really expect much else. Yet, for those who I hold in high esteem, those who do not make habitual mistakes, the falling out of perfection for me is hard. Nevertheless, as a rule of thumb, though I hold others to a high measuring stick, I hold myself to even a higher standard. If I ever do anything wrong, it frustrates me a lot; it's not the normal feeling a bit down and then getting over it sort of situation.

I think my whole life revolves around being perfect. I say sorry so many times, because I want people to know I did not mean to make a mistake. I always strive not to make the same fault twice. I think this constant push for perfection hinders many aspects of my life. It puts me in a place of fear. I won't try things because I don't want to do it wrong or make a mistake. It makes me second guess and lower the reality of myself. I won't talk to a person because if I don't do something right, but make a mistake again, this relationship will end up like the rest of my failures. It makes me judge people and feel like that a person cannot do anything wrong, because if they do, my whole perspective changes. It's funny since so many times, I am so negative of myself and yet I want to be perfect.

I got a list of the perfect person for me. The list has all of these qualities of the girl who I would totally be attracted to; yet, she doesn't exist, she isn't real. I may find someone who only meets half or three-fourths of the list, or possibly she meets everything, but somehow, she makes a mistake in something I had not even thought about. What then am I going to do?

No one is perfect. I cannot be perfect. This vice of mine allows me to never take chances in life. Sure, having a perfect record with people or never messing up a situation, that's good and all. Am I perfect? No, I'm far from it, and I'll be the first to admit that. Are people perfect? No, people always make mistakes.

Mistakes are the way we challenge ourselves. It's a way that we figure out who we are, and what we are suppose to be. I need to let got the fear that my decisions will lead to a mistake. How am I ever going to figure out if it truly is a mistake until I try. Sure, there are some obvious ones, but those gray areas, those situations that the end is not in sight and there are no directions, those are the opportunities that I cannot pass by. I cannot allow myself to look down on others for having courage and trying something new. I cannot judge others for their past. Yes, the past is defining who were are present and future, but at the same time, free will is what is guiding that path, not the past.

So, I guess I'm ending the idea of perfection. I am never going to be perfect. I'm never going to meet someone perfect. My friends are never going to reach perfection. It's not lowering standards. It's changing my perspective from a pessimistic viewpoint, and looking at it realistically. But, I'll go further than even that. What to do when I do make a mistake or when others make a mistake? Learn from it, and then, move on. Not even being realistic is the right mindset. I am going to use what I have. After all, that's all I am going to get. All the ideas and false images that I think, there's nothing I can truly do with them.

All I have is what is set before me, and for that, I must accept.