Goodbye

Death is so finalized action in the mortal world. There's nothing that you can do and it leaves you with a sense of hopelessness since there is no power that you can that will allow you to revert death. The power does not lie in your hands. For my life, being out of control is horrible, showing emotions is difficult, and allowing myself to share what I am going through is practically impossible. I guess that is why when faced with death, I always go to denial. A lot of this this is spurred by the recent anniversary of a good friend, Johnny. I didn't even tell anyone until later that day; I was slightly angry because it didn't seem like anyone that actually knew the what happened that day even remembered. After thinking about it, I think it's possible that I find the importance of remembering the date is because I find these difficulties in mourning and grieving. Maybe these anniversaries are so important to me because I only allow myself to grieve in small time frames. I remember with Johnny, I denied it, and in other situations, I don't even comprehend anything until long time afterward. Death just seems to surreal to me; very few events really hit me in such a different way, but going to a funeral or hearing that someone passed away is so hard for me to understand. It's hard to think that just perhaps a few seconds ago, that person was breathing and living, and now, they are gone. Saying goodbye for just a trip is hard for me, but to say goodbye until heaven, that seems like eternity in itself. I can't wait to see Johnny and those who have left me already. I guess they haven't left really, but I'm just a little behind in getting there.