The end of the third week of this summer is here and for the most part, I haven't been doing many things. Granted, I've been sick for the first two weeks of summer, and I do have my job in Mesa Court as Conference Assistant, as well as research position for the summer since I got SURP money. I have been able to spend time with friends over this summer, but besides those days, I'm usually alone in my room in Lluvia (Mesa Court) watching television or online shows. The only benefit I've had from all this free time is being able to reflect and ponder my life, especially, what I'm planning on doing after college.
Even now, I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life. I've narrowed it down to the medical/health care field, which is no help since this is a enormous department filled with countless jobs. I've even been reconsidering medical school, with first going to a post-baccalaureate program, and then applying to medical school afterward.
I chose not to focus on medical school halfway through this past year because of my grades, and to be honest, I didn't think I would be able to do it. I'm scared to take the MCAT, and I really don't want to remember all of the facts and information. The love of learning was lost, and I think along with it, the passion I had for any medical/health care career. Finals showed me that I am smart enough when I push myself and ignite the flame for learning and understanding.
I need the passion I had coming into college. I need the strength and fire that I had to fight for I want. What do I want? I want to be able to help people; the one's who can't help themselves. I want to be be the one advocating for a person, to be the one who encourages them to keep holding on, fight for their life. If I'm going to be that person, I got to start living it. If I'm going to tell any of my patients to hold on, to keep pressing on and fighting, I got to have and still be able to do the same. I need to keep passion with me.
I don't know yet what I'm going to do with my life. I do know that whatever I set my mind to, I can do it. Nothing worth in this world, came without hard work, and a huge fire of passion. Belief. I need more of this in my life. Faith. I need to have faith that I can do it. Hope. I need hope to know that my decisions are the right one. Dream. I need to dream the impossible, to seek the ideas and places that are way beyond my grasp, and then, figure out how to accomplish them.
The world is out there for me. I've settled for things less when it comes to my career. I started off right by getting into research and being a Biology major. Where did the rest go? All I have to do is get up, and fight for what I want. I can accomplish it, and I will do so.
So, where does this leave me? More work, more sleepless nights, more effort and energy and time. A bit more of me. And what of the end product? I can know that I've done everything possible, and I was the best person I could be, not settling for less, but fighting for my dreams and goals.
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